I'm Back

Can not believe it's been so long since I've posted anything. LOL. How sad. LOL. For me!!

Had a really bad month or so. I know what triggers my depression and anxiety but not much I can do to control others actions in our home. So go figure.

So I struggle with a Social Disorder and sometimes I can do ANYTHING and other times I struggle to just leave my house. It's something that God and I are having to work on everyday. To be able to walk into a public place and hold my head high, no reason not to do so other than fear. Fear of rejection, not fitting in, failure and my biggest fear lonliness. I'm very shy and not pushy and I know what it is like to be somewhere surrounded by people and be utterly alone. About the time I quit posting I drove by myself to the gym I'm a member of alone, parked started putting on my workout shoes, looked in my mirror and the gym was full and very busy. I just froze, the fear washed over me and I had been doing soooooo good. I busted out crying and just sat there until I got control and then called my Mom and cried all the way home. It is an unrational fear and one in my head I think it's sooo stupid but I couldn't or wouldn't push through the chest pains and anxiety attack that would follow.

So I went home, didn't go to the gym for over 3 weeks, ate horrible and put my weight back on. Depression and exhaustion follows and so I work, eat and sleep. I didn't really say much about it to anyone until a family email we have that all my aunts and cousins, mom, sister in law etc is linked to had a good natured though a little stingy conversation going on about having your own Christmas with your kids only and no guilt. I had a bad day and it just hit where it really hurts inside (being 32 and single no kids) and I fell into a darkness and after a few days of just existing I called my brother. He is the one that will listen not judge me and will encourage me and try to get through to me. I know when I'm desperate he is there for me. SOooooo, we talked and he started pushing me to get out of my house and face the world. So I did. Tiffany and I went to a overly crowded Toys R Us and I went to the mall 2x this past weekend. Tiffany has calling to get me to go to the gym and I went last week. It felt really good too!!!

So Far So Good

OK, I had a few days of YIKES food but I think I'm back on track. I worked out this morning and did 30 min/1.5 miles on the treadmill and then the circuit training. All went well. My tummy is tightening up and that is very good. LOL. I'm noticing my legs don't rub together so much, the little roll above my waistline is going down, etc. Little things like that, my weight isn't going down as much as I would like but that is fine!!

My moods have been better, my nails... I have them. LOL. My anxiety levels have been down in part to no one living here, helps!! My hair is so much better because of the better products. Skin is better because of the exercise, I guess. That or the sauna. LOL. My skin is tightening up.

It's great to live life fully!!! I'm loving living and that is new for me. I have hated me, life, everything for so long. Life is liveable right now and I praise God for the strength to do this. Lots of changes factoring in but it's only with His help.

I've been using Lavender EVERYTHING lately. LOVE Lavender!!!!!!! Knew it was a stress reliever but beyond that didn't think a thing about it. Supposedly insects like fleas and ticks do not like Lavender so that is a plus!! So I use it in everything. Just met up with Purple Ranch in Royse City where they grow and harvest it themselves and sell the products made from it. How neat is that?? Found out it helps with depression, anxiety, and so many other things!!!

Going Good!!

Ok, so I had a down moment but I'm up and going again. The weekends kind of mess me up and I've been so scared I've not even gotten on the scale since Friday. LOL. Yeah, not good. BUT, I still feel positive and I know it's going to be an up and down journey for me because I'm not a health food nut. I like tasty food and that is the bad stuff. LOL.

I'm noticing my clothes fitting better!!! Also, a few changes I've made this year seem to be really helping me. I'm buying very expensive shampoo and conditioner but it's paying off. My hair is a million time better than it was a year ago so that is a plus. Also, been really working with my nails. I want to get them done professionally and I'm willing to pay the big bucks but I want them to all grow out so that I can have natural gorgeous nails. I'm just about there. My nails have been so healthy and growing very good.

Tiffany and I have been using the sauna everytime we go to the gym. My skin is a million times better also, plus I'm not having as big a problem with my Eczema!!!! That is a HUGE thing for me. I'm feeling like a million bucks and I know that everyday will be better. Someday I'm going to look at the girl in the mirror and say I love you!!! I've hated my body and self for years, drug down with emotions and mental battles. Today I can say I'm good. Tomorrow is another day and I believe that God can keep me through that day also. I've made alot of changes in my life in the last couple of months and they have been good changes. Changes that give me a self confidence to know I'm going to be OK. I can do this. It's giving up some things in order to receive what God has been waiting on me to accept.

I am coming to realize in my studies that food addictions are just as severe as drugs or alcohol. As I am finding ways to heal my emotions and mind I'm finding it easier to stop the food addiction. No it's far from over, I still have 100lbs to lose but it's just one more day. I get up going you can do this. It's hard when you have to do things on your own but I know God is helping me.

God has given me promises over the years and I have struggled with why they weren' tcoming to pass and only to find out He's ready and waiting on me to get my act straightened out. LOL.

So for today, I am doing this, with His grace I'll continue tomorrow.

Up and Going AGAIN

OK, so I was doing good at the first of the year but lost it over the summer and ended up back at 236...

HOWEVER, they say if you mess up get up and keep going. So I joined LOA Fitness, a ladies only gym and I love it!!!! The best choice I've ever made.

After a week of going almost everyday I have lost 5lbs. Yuppers, I weighed tonight and the scale said 231.6!!!! Go me. I have so much energy and I actually look forward to going to the gym. That is ME time and it's all for me.

I'm counting calories again and I am liking that. I went Monday evening for my WWE and the NP said to not stress about losing to make small changes and that will account for a 1lb weight loss each week. This time next year I would have lost over 50lbs. I've already made several changes like cutting my salt intake. I do not cook with salt anymore, it is only a source of flavor. Now a little bit goes a looooooooong way. I am measuring everything and I have, right now ziplock bags on the shelf with 39 pretzels in each one. That is a serving of my brand of pretzels so when I need a snack I can grab a ziplock back and know EXACTLY how many calories I am taking in.

We found a new snack for us, Fiber One bars. I love the Oats and Chocalote!!! We just bought Oats and Carmel but I haven't had a chance to try them yet. Sounds good though.

My mood and outlook have changed alot!!! Which I've made some changes in my life and I think that is helping. I'm looking forward to the future which is new for me. LOL.

I would love to hear from those that keep up with my weightloss journey.

Also, I started a Weightloss Group on Facebook. It's called Mission P.H.A.T and is open to anyone. Some friends helped me get it together and I hope to see it take off. I want it to be a place where we can share our recipes, snack ideas and also to help one another on the hard days and rejoice in our triumphs!!!

Mission - Push.Hard.And.Triumph

Oh and my weightloss ticker is a custom ticker, that is really a picture I took in Colorado!!! So pretty.

Biggest Loser Season 8 is going strong, I've got them downloaded and it's a good but very emotional season. It really inspires me that I can do this...

WOW, it's been awhile

Ooops, so it's been awhile. Well, that is what happens when you fall off the weight loss truck. LOL.

So we have had some big scares with my Dad's health and I'll soon have answers about my own health issues. So I've been eating very healthy and I joined a Ladies Gym. My sister in law and I are going 4-5 times a week and I'm very addicted to it. I've come to love their bikes, they have comfy seats and I think I could peddle and sweat all day long. My sister in law tends to favor the eliptical machines, They kill my knees, I'm too fat for them. I use them for about 5-6 minutes and my knees are screaming. I like the treadmill.

I want to join the Zumba Dance Class, watched them the other night and it looks like so much fun!!!

So here we go again, see if I can keep on track this time. haha. The Biggest Loser is about to start back up and that was a big encouragement ot me. I would download the epis and I alwasy get tons of good info from it.

Well, I'm off to lala land.

Can You Say Crash and Burn???

So the whole diet thing is really hard when you are going at it solo!!

You should see the literal JUNK my Mom has been buying. It's so bad I now buy my own food, put it in my own fridge and I now own a little 2 burner thingy. I am becoming very independent and I must say it feels great!!! I keep tossing around moving but haven't made that decision yet.

Walking

OK, so I went walking last night and walked at the park again. In my neighborhood I have an area that is a half mile and it is a trial to make it around twice. This park is so pretty I put my earbuds in and get my tunes going and time flies by.

Last night I walked between 2.5 & 3 miles. It wasn't even hard to do and I was ready to keep going but I had started so late it got dark on me. It's so easy to walk there. I get home and start rushing people around. LOL.

I did so good yesterday with my calorie total. Ate very healthy and the scale showed it today. It's frustrating for me because I'm fighting against my body. I just keep plodding along. Sooner or later I'll save up enough money to go to the doctor. LOL. maybe!! Seriously I am working on getting to the doctor because I know my body is messed up. So someday over the rainbow I'll get there and find out what is really wrong and how to fix it. I am just TERRIFIED of surgery and I'm not stupid enough to think it won't happen to me. I just am scared but every woman in my family has gone through it or is scheduled to. So yeah, heads up I'm not healthy enough to think I'm the one that will escape that dreaded surgery. So I keep suffering. LOL.

Hopefully, all my working out will start helping. I am gaining some muscle and that is cool, I guess.

H2O and More

So anyone that knows me well knows I am NOT a lover of water. I had worked up to 4-5 bottles of water and was retaining most of it. So for a time I'm trying an experiment. I'm drinking CapriSun's. LOL. That is the start. Much easier to drink and only 35 calories to a pouch. Not too bad. Then I also try to drink plain water also. I have been drinking a Coke everyday. I buy whatever size my heart desires and drink it and then eat/drink all the ice and water. My thoughts are that all that ice makes less soda in the cup. Right? Well, honestly I don't care. LOL. It's working for me and it's something I can live with.

Ok, I live south of Mansfield but I have, for 3-4 years driven past this huge park near Walmart and there are these huge concrete paths that go under bridges, etc. I have been dying to go check it out and so Saturday night we did. It is awesome!!! I walked 3 miles, the paths have quarter mile markers in the path. I walked from the big park all the way UNDER 287, NOT the business/main street but the real highway one. LOL. Where the baseball fields are. It was great. Plus the park on Walnut Creek is in the hat for a wedding location should I EVER find a man. LOL. It is absolutely gorgeous!!!! Has very much potential.

LOL. Well that is all for my writings today.

So yeah, I messed up

OK, so I gained 4lbs in 5 days. Sigh, I'm sure it's the pizza and garlic bread. LOL. It was sooooo good though.

I worked out today for the first time in several days and WOW, I'm dead!!! LOL, I did pretty good over the weekend with my water, I did drink soda's when I was driving but that was because I get soooo sleepy when I drive so I drank Coke to give me some energy boosts. LOL. I did bad with my food most of the time. But thankfully it is nothing irreversible, it's just getting started again.

I'm totally convinced on the whole stress thing also. I am already down a little bit in just having been home 1 day and that was without working out. But the weekend was very stressful and tense. Alot of blood pressure raising moments. LOL.

We are going to start working out and I'm in charge. I love being in charge. Mom said it should be me because I'm studying and researching everything. YEAH!!!

If you want some good listening with tons of ideas search on google for Jillian Michaels radio show. She gives ton of good info!!!

My head is killing me. I forgot my BP meds and I worked out, so my BP is pretty high I'm sure. Stinks but that is how life is. Also, I am only taking my water pills once a week and the prescription is for everyday. I don't want my body to just be dependent on the pills to shed water. So I make my body do it some on it's own.

I just bought Jillian's book, Making The Cut. I've not had time to sit down and really read it yet. It's a 30 day diet book, so I'm going to try it. I want her metabolism book, haven't been able to find it yet. I think she is the bomb!!! She totally knows what's going on.

Vacation

So I am pretty sure I bombed while on vacation. My clothes are OK, still but I feel blah. But I have to just get up and get with it again!!!

Finally!!!

Yeah!!!

I hit 222 today. I have had 2-3 very bad weeks. Not in eating/workout wise totally but just bombarded with emotional stuff that messes with my mind.

I was stuck at the same weight for 3 weeks. I was so frustrated because I knew what was holding off more weight loss. I took a first step (I kind of wish I hadn't) but I did and just stepping out and acknowledging that I needed help. Chantry says it's the fact that I took the first step and God takes the second one. Maybe that is true. Because I have had a really good, fun couple of days and guess what??? I lost weight. There might be something in that.

Tonight will Tell the Tell

So last week I lost NOTHING, Zip, Nada!!! I stayed exactly the same. Sooooo, as of this morning I was down .4lbs. I really believe that stress and drama will stop your weightloss now.

I really don't eat at home anymore. I buy stuff and put it in the fridge and if others like it, it will GO AWAY!!! So I eat alot away from home. Except for I can keep my turkey bacon and cheese. You will have to fight for bread and fake butter but there you go. Water? You better hide it in your car.

I am really seriously considering getting my own place. It will make me live on a tight budget and that worries me but at the same time I think it would be good for me emotionally to do that. Time will tell, that is sure. I have actually asked for advice and hope it was the right thing to do. I'm scared to death but we'll see.

I'm joining Jillian Michaels website and cancelling my Biggest Loser membership. She sends out great tips and has an area where doctors, etc write articles. Plus I located her radio show online, it's great and funny too. Some of it is over the top healthy and I am not that far out yet, maybe someday.

I have really been in the blues and had a hard time getting in the groove of workign out. I did go to Cedar Hill and walked the park with my brother and aunt. I have gotten discouraged and with everyone kind of losing interest, I find it harder to do it alone. Stephanie has been doing much better. She is losing inches and is wearing clothes she hasn't worn in a long time so it has her working harder. I've got to pick it up but my life is all mixed up and I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it all and I start getting lethargic.

I ate a taco today from Bueno and a tostado adn a coke, BUT, my breakfast was almost no calories and I have choir practice so I'll be grabbing a snack for dinner so this bumped my calories up where they need to be.

I keep forgetting my vitamins at home and I can really tell. Plus, I had alot on my mind last night and didn't fall asleep. I most of the time don't even realize that I'm disturbed by stuff, but it hits home when I can't sleep. If I don't sleep I have alot on my mind. My brother is being very supportive and is encouraging me to take the next steps I need to take. But I'm scared and wanting to make sure I know God's will. C thinks that perhaps God's will is for me to take the steps I'm scared to take so that I can grow emotionally and become the independent person I need to be. It's hard though to stand up for yourself. I have to do something though, it's really showing in my dieting.

Jillian believes if you have emotional issue you don't deal with it will cause you to put the weight back on. She said people that are a tad overweight is just eating too many of something here and there. People that are over 50 pounds overweight there is deeper issues. I believe that. That is why some of us have such a hard time losing.

I have been really trying to put my focus back on God and let Him heal the wounded parts of me and fill those voids in my life that I have been filling with food.

Sabotage!!! LOL

OH, Cake cake cake. I'm doing a wedding and groomscake and it's lots and lots of cake.

I was doing half my grocery shopping last night at 1am, LOL, and I was buying my snacks and I went over to get my Cheeto Balls and ahhh, shocker of all shockers, my FAVORITE travel snack in the whole world was on the shelve in 100 calorie packs. Excuse me as I wipe a tear. LOL. I am very emotional here. I LOVE, oh who cares, make that totally and completely adore White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn. Problem is I will eat the WHOLE bag in one setting. Now it doesn't matter, I can veg on my couch or bed and eat a WHOLE bag and only get 100 calories. Do you know how happy I am???

Ok, so my Mom is sabotaging me. We are on a DIET and she keeps bringing home bad food and things like cabbage and carrots and expect me to eat it. NASTY!!! Oh, and she did veggie burgers which weren't necassarily bad but they taste like unfishy salmon patties. I do not like fish or seafood EXCEPT popcorn shrimp. That is it!!! I take Fish Oil pills to get my Omega 3's. If it swims I don't eat it. I can not stand the flavors OR the texture, barf bag please!!! So since we had eaten all my groceries which are based around chicken dishes, any ideas anyone??? I enjoy the spicier dishes buy no curry, please.

Something I have learned in the 5 weeks we have been working out is working out is the most important thing you can do on your lifestyle change. I work out everyday for about an hour or more over the whole day. Yesterday I didn't weigh in and guess what? I'm up about 1/2 a pound so today will be a worse workout because I have to make up. Plus, when I'm working on cakes I get busy and don't when I should, I may eat once a day instead of my normal 3 times and 2-3 snacks.

I am actually enjoying all that I am learning about eating disorders, nutrition and the emotional part of all of this. I have always been told I'm fat because I'm lazy, or I eat bad or too much. Then you aren't going anywhere in life because your fat, true love? trash that because your fat and who is going to want a fat girl. I beg Mom's out there everywhere don't put that load on your daughter. It's hard to overcome that stigma. Because regardless of what you think you are saying to your child to "help", that isn't what they are going to hear and she may convince you someday it isn't helping but those words and her interpretation of those words will never leave her mind.

It's when my Mom quite trying to convince me to lose weight that I finally had the desire to do it for myself. She isn't always positive but I just have to close my ears and eyes and dig deep in myself and find that strength I need.

Remember if you take this journey and I highly recommend it, it is a very hard emotional journey and if you are really serious you may not have much support because they may not be as serious. It's hard but the rewards are great!!!

Start of Week 5

OK, so it's another week to work my fanny off. LOL. No really I am, Hahah.

I weigh twice a day, I like to see the ups and downs of weight flucuation. This morning I was 223.8. Now I haven't seen that weight in many years. I'm so happy. Tonight I could be higher but the last few days I LOST weight during the day so talk about happy. LOL.

I am pushing myself so hard in working out. I am beginning to see that is the key. Walking will drop a little weight slowly but surely and I still enjoy walking and jogging but it's my real workouts that are doing the work. I do 20reps of anything I can think of. I don't use weights or resistance tubes etc in the morning, I do front, side and back leg lifts. Toe touches, jumping jacks, twist (washing machine), I don't know what it is called but a torso angle twist. Shoulder rolls front and backwards and converted pushups. I do 20 of each one and it works. At night I pull out the weights and do my aerobic stepping.

I feel great and my clothes are fitting so good. I looked around recently at people I know that were losing weight and they have put it back on. I don't want to be that way. I am hoping the changes I am making I can keep for the rest of my life. So I can be the happiest and healthiest me.

I can't wait until I've lost my weight, then I can be anything I want to be. You can't be pushed aside for being fat anymore.

Do you know the biggest majority of people that are obese have some type of inner struggle. It's true. The reasons we overeat usually aren't accidental. Even though I was always a chubby child. When I was 14-15 my Dad was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis which is a disease that falls under the MDA umbrella. I became suicidal because I was afraid, that my dad would die. I turned to food. Then when I was in high school we opened a Burger place and it was hard work. The stress from running that, working part time at a dentist office and going go school drug me down until I had a emotional breakdown over a dropped tray. I lost it and the one comfort I had was food and plenty of it, HELLO, we owned a restuarant. It isn't excuses for my bad behavior with food it just shows that it's that easy.

One thing I've been learning from the Biggest Loser is that our emotions and feelings will cause us to be afraid. It's true. Sometimes it is scary, no one knows the skinnier Taniss. By losing weight and refusing to let my emotions direct my eating habits there is fear that all the feelings I have so carefully hidden inside will be exposed. I'm not one to work through my hurt I just store it away and try to ignore the pain. It works until the place where you have no emotions. It's a sad place to be, very lonely. However, things can happen in life that will rip open your carefully hidden emotions and expose them to life and that hurt is crazy.

I didn't understand why I have been on such an emotional rollercoaster. I fight depression and I know how real mental illnesses can be, our family has that history. But I never dreamed that amidst the world of health and fitness I would have to deal with guilt, resentment, anger, fear, sadness all the things I've stored away. I could cover it all up by being fat and no one cared. Now, I'm having to face things I don't know how to get through but I can believe with hard work and God by my side we can do this.

Don't let you fears hold you back from being the healthiest you, you can be!!!

Another 2lbs

are GONE!!! I'm working hard and it is paying off. I'm so happy.

Another week is gone

Well, another 2lbs of fat had to say goodbye and after this last week that is a miracle. I mean I had still been keeping my calories alot less than before but still I've eaten some "not good" food. But I tried really hard to stay near my calories, so though I lost weight still my body doesn't feel as good as it has in past weeks. My routine is all messed up but I'm going to get it back on track and tell my Mom to jump in the creek. LOL. She thinks food is the answer to everything and it's very hard to stand strong.

Last night we had spagetti and it was the way I like it. I am not a meat eater and the people staying with us are vegetarians. LOL. So no meat. But having to have a small protion and not a big ole whopper helping. It was hard, but I think I did OK.

I'm posting the picture which is the first week we all weighed in together. I had lost 18lbs on my own at that point and I have lost 8.2lbs in a month. So I'm very happy. Do you know when I eat I'm not always finishing my food? I get full before I finish so that is new to me. LOL. Well, I'm off to cook me a Bacon, Egg & Cheese English Muffin.

This is a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. If you want to lose weight you pretty much have to give up the fast food and eat at home and cook it. My family is all adults and we all have different scheules so it's buying your own food and cooking it. Reading labels, takign the things I enjoy and making them a little bit healthier.

I'm giving a shout out to by brother, he has lost 17lbs, my Dad has lost 30. Dad's is alot of water weight he was retaining. He isn't as strong with food as the rest of us but you can only eat what you have. LOL.

Weigh In Day

Well, I'm in like 5th place in our contest. LOL. I'm picking up workout tools here and there and I'm gaining quite an assortment. Today I bought a small resistance tube and thigh buster and I'm sticking with my 2 1/2lb loss average. I feel so much better about life and living. LOL.

I'm losing inches I lost 2 inches in my waist and an inch in my bust so all is good. LOL. I'm sore from head to toe. I am pretty sure every muscle in my body is sore. I just keep taking pain killers and pushing through the sore muscles. I'm strong enough to do this. I know I am.

I want to do this so I can love myself enough others will respect me for who I am. I've got alot of work ahead of me and I just have to make it day by day. I just make it one more day. I may not can last a whole week but I know I can last one more day at this. So if I last one more day for seven days. There is my week. LOL. It's all mind games.

Mom commented to me the other day that I had made up my mind and one thing I know positively is the mind is stronger than your body. There are days I just want to give up but I can't, this is for me and my health.

A Goal Reached

So I met my first goal this weekend. I wanted to into a purple dress I havent' worn in about 3 years because I didn't fit in it. I wore it to church tonight!!! Talk about excited.

Today at lunch I fixed Rotel Chicken. I LOVE Mexican Food. I was missing my spicy food. So I took Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast and put them in a baking dish. Then I poured a can of Rotel over them. Put some wrap over it and baked it until it was cooked then I put a 1/4 serving of 2% Mexican Blend shredded cheese. It turned out soooooo wonderful. What cracked me up is used to I would cook 4 chicken breasts. LOL. Now I cook 2 and cut them in half. We all end up satisfied but not FULL. We did the Broccoli and Cheese sauce and it is soooo good and low cal. Then we did a salad and had black olives to go on it. Put ranch and a smidgen of bacon bits. All in all my meal was like right at 300 calories.

Tonight after church I came home and had a Hot Fudge Banana Sundae pudding and had some whipped topping on it. YUMMY!!!

I still have to work out tonight. So I better get to it before it is any later.

My next goal, Hmmm, I have some fitted shirts that I tried on this week and they "fit" but too tight to wear out in public. I don't like any of my "irregularities" to show. ROFLOL. So I'll say wear those shirts and look good OR reach 200lbs. Believe me the shirts will come first.

Oh, joy

Another day another salad. LOL. Ok, here are a few tips for those trying to lose weight and needing low cal ideas.

Buy Banana Fudge Sundae Pudding and some Fat Free Whipped topping in the can. Take the top of the pudding squirt a little whipped topping and wahla you have a WONDERFUL treat!!! It's awesome, just ask Tiffany and Milupa I brought dessert today. The kids loved the whipped topping!!!

Another thing is the Skinnies. Can't remember the whole name for real, we call all of it "the skinnies" but they have mint/Fudge sicles. and ice cream sandwiches. It is a great way to take care of that ice cream craving and save some calories too.

I bought 5lb weights today. I'm aching all over my body> LOL. It is so worth it though!!! I'm losing size AND weight. I'm slowly inching towards my goal and that is enough for me today. Just focusing on one more day and one more pound lost.

I have ups and downs. It's hard when I'm craving something. Tonight I wanted a coke Sooooooooooooooooooo bad. I was at Sonic buying a salad so instead of a coke I ordered a Apple juice slush. I think I was craving a flavored drink. I drank my Apple slush and no more coke craving. YEAH!!!

So I'm still going!!

Sigh, in a week I lost 2.8lbs. I know, I know. it's a big loss on my own but I worked sooooo hard. But I'm not giving up. I'm the lowest weight I've been in probably 2 years so I'm doing it. It's just as much mental and emotional as it is physical. I feel alot better already and I have a long way to go. But I can now notice a difference and that is what counts. I'm drinking water like a camel and haven't been taking my laisiks (however you spell the name of the pills that pull water off your body) I'm suppose to be taking them everyday but I was having weird stuff going on (like passing out and puking my guts up for no reason, just one second was fine the next I was OUT) but it wasn't my pills so I'm supposed to be picking them up from the pharmacy hopefully and that will help alot. I retain so much water.

I walked 2 miles today in this horrible wind, LOL. Took twice the effort, haha, no jogging for me, it was plenty of extra workout to just walk into the wind. It's crazy windy out there. But it was a perfect day to walk. The sun wasn't too hot and I got a bit of a tan. LOL.

Today I did bad, my Nanny bought lunch and I had Chicken and Gravy from Whataburger it was WONDERFUL, but alot of calories so I have to be very careful the next couple of days. That is why I did an extra mile today, to make up for the lunch. YIKES, My normal workout and now I'll have to ride the bike extra tonight. It's worth it though, it was so good. It's been 3 weeks since I've had gravy, YYYYYYYUUUUUUUMMMMM

I've lost my 5lbs and it has been a week and a half so I beat my goal. YEAH!!!

March 1

Well, another day and I've lost 5lbs Tuesday. Do you realize that is my goal for 2 weeks. Today was my first real test. We only had a morning service at church and then had a fellowship potluck. I was trying to figure out what to take that wouldn't kill my diet and then I thought of the fact, I might not get any of what I cooked. I was flipping out about my diet and how would I ever know how many calories because you have no idea what is in that food. So I made the decision to buy something. So we bought salads at Sonic because I know the calories.

See yesterday I hadn't made a dent in my calories for the day and so I decided to buy a taco Salad but I couldn't find any where online where FasTaco has a nutrition guide. So then I was panicing last night because I didn't know if I had calories left or not. I added up the best I could but I was so worried.

The weird thing is I have the worst indigestion ever. I mean, I'm only drinking water and I am eating so well and I have the most severe indigestion. My throat is raw from the acid during the night. I have to live on antiacids.

Sugar Free Jello has 10 calories!!! A great snack. Today I tasted a Campbell's soup called Stuffed Baked Potato. It was wonderful and within the calorie range I could have at lunch.

I hit 229 yesterday. Do you know how long it's been since I've been in the 220's??? Over 8 years. I've always started a diet but never made it out of the 30's. I'm jogging, I've NEVER jogged. I am really into this and want to win. Tiffany and I are neck and neck. But Mom is in the lead. She will give into temptations, I hope. LOL.

Headed Into The Weekend

Well, so far I'm doing good. I feel great!!! Already my clothes are fitting better. Things that were too tight to wear now FIT. That is an awesome feeling.

Yesterday was very productive to me. I walked and jogged a total of a mile. When you've never really jogged it's an accomplishment to do so. I was very proud of myself. I would power walk a while and then slow jog a while. I rode the stationary bike for about 20 minutes. My butt went numb so that was enough for one day. LOL. I did cruches and planks which for a fat girl is hard.

Food:

I am eating Quakers Weight Control Oatmeal it comes in Maple and Brown Sugar, Banana Bread and Cinnamon. I've not tried Cinnamon yet but the other 2 are great!!! Then a Turkey sandwich at lunch. For dinner I cooked 8oz boneless skinless chicken breast (a breast cut in half, the calories were per serving, 12 servings to a bag and 6 pieces in the bag, Broccoli & Cheese Sauce and Brown Rice.

The Broc & Chz was only 45 calories a serving. You can buy it in your frozen dept at the store and I think they are called Steamers. I can eat Broccoli but it isn't my favorite, last night was wonderful!!!. The bag had 2 1/2 servings and 4 of us ate it. LOL. The Brown Rice was the biggie. It had 100 calories per serving but there were 3 servings to the bag and 4 of us ate it. The Rice was also in the frozen area. Cooked the chicken (120calories) with a little liquid smoke and a dash of season salt and pepper on both sides. I served the chicken on the rice and then we had the broccolie & cheese sauce. So the whole meal for each of us was 120 (1/2 a chicken breast) 30 (Broc & Chz split 4 ways) around 70 (Brown Rice shared between 4) so the whole meal was 230 calories. We were all full and waited awhile and had dessert. You can now buy all the little Mini's which run 60-100 calories each. Mom and Dad shared Twinkies so about 50 calories each there. I had a Brownie 100 calories and later I had a Suger Free Jello 10 calories.

Counting calories and such is hard time consuming work but it's worth it. I'm eating healthy and having a hard time getting all my calories in. LOL.

I'm starting a Blog with Recipes, Tips and Ideas for Calorie Counting if you have any ideas or low calorie recipes let me know.

I also joined The Biggest Loser Club and I am awaiting my books. I'm very excited. People are already commenting on a change in me so I'm doing some good.

First Day of Contest AM

So today is the first official day of our weight loss competition. I got up and was so sore today and I really didn’t work out yesterday I did some running in place at work but that was it.

I haven’t done laundry this week so my “easy” clothes were dirty so I had to pull out a button down shirt and a short skirt that was very tight last time and both fit perfectly. LOL. I did a happy dance.

As for what I’m doing. I am working out with my Wii Fit because it is fun, basically and it weighs me and keeps the little graphs going, which I love statistics. Then at night when I’m getting ready for bed I dancercise and then I lay down and do leg lifts until I can’t anymore and then I do 5 more with each leg, I raise my legs in the air and do the same with a scissor cut. I do crunches, and twists and it’s all on my comfy bed. It’s working out great for me.

Moving is the most important part. I had a hard time finding the energy to do it but I bought the One A Day vitamin Weight Smart Advanced so it has energy control and it gives me big time energy but without the high feeling of diet pills. I just have pure energy. If I take the One A Days for a few weeks and then forget a couple of days I don’t get that downer feeling, or at least I haven’t so far. So I am very happy with them.

Something else I would recommend is the Quaker Instant Oats weight control hot cereal. I put water in it, zap it and eat it, no butter or milk or extra sugar, nothing. It’s not 100% as good that way but it tastes very good!!! It is definitely better than nothing. LOL. I had that for breakfast and I'm working on my first bottle of water so go me. LOL

So in a 2 month time I have lost 6.4% weight loss so far this year. YEAH!!! That is very good. Now I’ve kicked it in high gear. I know my metabolism is up because I have tons of energy. I sit and bounce my legs, and I’m constantly moving. So far so good!!!!!!! After putting on my outfit today I’m feeling REALLY good!!!!

It's Official

So today my family and a friend or two started our very own Biggest Loser Club. We put our "dues" in each week and someone will win all that money. Please let me be the winner. LOL

My long term goal is 100lbs. Short term goals are 5lbs every 2 weeks. It's alot of fun because there are alot of us competing.

I was told about the Biggest Loser and found episodes online for every season. I'm addicted!!!

Thursday Feb 19, 09

Well, staying in my calories and working out pays off. LOL. I've lost a total of 20lbs since the first of the year. Do you know what an accomplishment that is for me? My tummy is flatter, my love handles are disappearing and **gasp** my legs barely touch. OK, those are all the "lovely" parts of being overweight.

I've been watching episodes of the Biggest Loser that I downloaded online. Those people on there inspire me. If they can do that in a week, I should be able to that in a month or so.

I'm not setting big unrealistic goals for myself, I'm just setting goals of doing better. This year is for ME, I'm being selfish and don't care. I've rid my life of alot of stress and even though it is making people a little ticked off at me, I'm not going to kill myself over life anymore. If I want to do something I will and if not I won't, people will deal!!!

I'm not doing this for any reason other than me. It's not to get married, if you didn't like my overweight (comments can get back) then you won't get a chance to love me skinny. I accept my friends as they are, their fat or lack of, their new cars or old. New clothes or used. I DON"T CARE!!!! I'm not in peoples lives because of their looks or possessions. I love my friends because of them, their personality and quirks, that is what life is full of. I don't understand why people can't love others for being themselves.

So, this year is the year of Taniss. Nothing more, nothing less. What goes, goes and what comes will come. Go ME!!!

This is for me and my health. I'll decide what will happen in the future when I'm slimmed down and healthy again.

Until then I'm just proud to have gone through "that time of the month" and not have gained weight, all the pain and bloating and I only went up .2lbs. Not 2lbs . (POINT) .2lbs. Then I continued to lose. That gives me confidence I can do this. Even when my immune system hit the bottom and got really really sick, I tried as much as possible to keep pushing and I did it and came out on the other side all the better!!!

Now this weekend of wedding rehearsal dinners and groomscakes, I should lose something. LOL. It is keeping us BUSY!!!

Met Another Goal

I'm very pumped!!!

I met my 2 week goal a day early. Yesterday I was a bit bummed because I had a .7lb gain. But there were things to factor in. First off, Thursday night we were craving pizza and wings so we ordered it and I ate 2 slices of pizza and 2 wings and I had a couple breadsticks, WAY too many calories but I hadn't really had anything to eat calorie wise so it wasn't so bad. I lost everyday until yesterday and up I went. I blamed the pizza and it's that time of the month so some gain there also. Then today I got on the scale and 2.2lb loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That put me .4 below my goal of losing 5lbs in two weeks. I was so very excited and VERY proud of myself. That is the second time I've lost my 5lb goal before the 2 weeks were up.

I'm not being super strict in counting my calories but I'm eating ALOT less calorie wise then I was. I am drinking enough water to swim. LOL.

I've been so sick I was getting pneumonia but I think I've beat it. But because of that I haven't been able to really exercise like I was, but I think I've over this mess so hopefully I can get to it.

Sick

Why is it everytime I really start working out I get sick? Everytime!!! I have this stupid cold/something weird. I feel like stuff is growing in my throat how sick is that. For a while I was concerned I had or was getting pneumonia again because my chest was hurting so bad on the left side. But I coughed until I hurt all over and though it's sore it doesn't feel like my lung is filled up. So I don't know. My nose is kind of runny but not bad. I'm not sure maybe a respritory infection. I have no voice and am quite miserable.

So I need RECIPES!!!!! Low Cal, Low Fat, just whatever but recipes.

I need quick easy tasty stuff for eating at work. Also I don't have much time to cook and such so send them all but anything quick would be nice.

Welcome!!!

Because of the personal nature of my blog it's invitation only. So if you were invited that means I feel like you are a person in my life that will be an encouragement to me. Those of you that were invited first aren't exclusive anyone can read it but since my weight and things are on here I'm not going to publicly post all of that on here. LOL.

Would you???

So, I'm not asking everyone to waste time telling me I'm good or whatever, it's just an accountability thing, knowing I'm putting it all out there and I'm really serious about it this time. I know it isn't going to be easy and I'm going to get discouraged that is why I invited you to help me.

Love you all,
Taniss

My Weightloss Journey

OK, all my life I have been overweight. Being fat isn't what I want to be but when I'm stressed or upset I've always just eaten something. I'm actually not a huge eater but I like really bad foods, LOL, I love things that taste really good.

So about 10 months ago I got sick, not just a little sick, I was very sick. I was having severe headaches, I ached all over like the flu but no fever. I couldn't concentrate and it was horrible, I had no idea what was wrong. I started blacking out and having chest pains. Since I have no insurance I was trying to just ride out what ever illness I had. I was having some weird pain in my side also. I was sitting at work on a Friday and suddenly got chills and felt like I was going to throw up, it wasn't the first time but it was by far the worst. I grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom, I sat on the bathroom floor leaning against the wall praying no one came in because I didn't take room to lock the door. Suddenly I just knew I was going to pass out. I called my Mom and told her if I didn't call her back in a few minutes to call and if I didn't answer to please either come or call 911, I was that scared. I was terrified, and as I sat there on the bathroom floor the pains finally subsided and the cold sweat/chills stopped and I started feeling a little better. I went straight to my desk and called my doctors office and they told me to get there as soon as possible. When I left work I made it to my Dad's office and then to my doctor. My blood pressure was outrageously high. since my doctor wasn't there the nurse practitioner gave me some water pills and sent me home. Saturday was horrible, Sunday was worse, I started passing out and my head hurt so bad. I had bought a blood pressure machine for my house on the advice of the nurse but it was registaring to high so I went down to CVS and my machine was right, it was way too high. I was scaring my family by how sick I really was. So Monday I went back to the doctors office and saw my regular doctor and he asked why I didn't go to the hospital. I was soon to be 31 and my doctor looked me directly in the eyes and asked if I wanted to live until I was 40. The more he talked, the more he made sense and really hit home. So I started making small changes, not so many soft drinks, healthier choices in food and then of course my meds. LOL.

So in a year I've lost some weight (not enough) and I've honestly never known anyone that was really large and lost weight in a healthy way. Shawna (my cousin) started talking to me about a diet she had started and was eating low calorie and she was losing weight on it. So I take my time and played around with it.

For Christmas I got a Wii and then right after Christmas I bought Wii Fit and it is so much fun. I workout for 30+ minutes at a time and don't realize it. It keeps up with my weight and BMI and there are graphes and charts to look at. I enjoy it and I have goals to work towards.

So welcome to my weightloss journey where it's real. My ups and downs on this journey. The fun and easy stuff and the hard stuff too. I do need the support and help of my friends. I need good healthy low calorie recipes or ideas of things to eat that are tasty, no nasty cardboard stuff, I need flavor!!!

I have an ultimate goal weight and I am about 80lbs for it. It's not what Weight Watchers told me to get down too it's about 20 pounds heavier but my goal isn't to be skinny minny or to get too skinny it's to get to a healthy weight.

Low self esteem has been something I have always fought. I have supportive family and friends who always assure me that I'm pretty regardless or that it doesn't matter if you are fat or skinny just be you, but the reality is it does matter. No one says things to your face but I've had well meaning friends try to fix me up with nice Christian men and to over hear them or for it to get back to me that I was a nice girl, fun to hang out with but they don't like overweight girls. That hurts espeically when I never ask my friends to be a certain way or look, I take them just like they are and I've always longed for the people that would take me as I am. I am thankfull for the people that my paths have crossed with that do take me for who I am. That extremely shy person that doesn't know how to put myself out there. I am a very loyal person who will go beyond the norm to help those I love the most. I will give of myself and not ask for anything in return.

I know what it is like to give all of myself to others and be hurt in return. So the last year has been a real struggle over all. I've gone through really rough times emotionally, physically and health wise, and also with my family. My parents and their ups and downs with their health. Then some things from the past popped up and what a roller coaster ride but I finally realized that Taniss had gotten lost that girl that used to wear the "bubble bee outfit" my yellow jacket, purse AND shoes. The one who was known for my attire and the way it expressed me. That person was gone, in her place was a fat, depressed, hurting, slob that really didn't care about anything anymore. Life had passed me by and I had stood there and let it happen. I realized I was the only one that cared, if I wanted to be a active person in this place we call earth then I would have to do it alone. So here goes, it's funny since I've made this decision people have tried to drag me back and it won't happen anymore. I am a unique person with desires and dreams of my own and I won't stop until I have them.

So for you that join me on this journey to support or help out with ideas, thanks. This is a warning though, I don't express myself vocally but I write, and so my happy times, sad times, mad times and angry times, will all be here just like on my regular blog. Don't get mad or upset if you don't like what I have to say, it's a free country and we all have our opinions and this is what I have to do.