My Weightloss Journey

OK, all my life I have been overweight. Being fat isn't what I want to be but when I'm stressed or upset I've always just eaten something. I'm actually not a huge eater but I like really bad foods, LOL, I love things that taste really good.

So about 10 months ago I got sick, not just a little sick, I was very sick. I was having severe headaches, I ached all over like the flu but no fever. I couldn't concentrate and it was horrible, I had no idea what was wrong. I started blacking out and having chest pains. Since I have no insurance I was trying to just ride out what ever illness I had. I was having some weird pain in my side also. I was sitting at work on a Friday and suddenly got chills and felt like I was going to throw up, it wasn't the first time but it was by far the worst. I grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom, I sat on the bathroom floor leaning against the wall praying no one came in because I didn't take room to lock the door. Suddenly I just knew I was going to pass out. I called my Mom and told her if I didn't call her back in a few minutes to call and if I didn't answer to please either come or call 911, I was that scared. I was terrified, and as I sat there on the bathroom floor the pains finally subsided and the cold sweat/chills stopped and I started feeling a little better. I went straight to my desk and called my doctors office and they told me to get there as soon as possible. When I left work I made it to my Dad's office and then to my doctor. My blood pressure was outrageously high. since my doctor wasn't there the nurse practitioner gave me some water pills and sent me home. Saturday was horrible, Sunday was worse, I started passing out and my head hurt so bad. I had bought a blood pressure machine for my house on the advice of the nurse but it was registaring to high so I went down to CVS and my machine was right, it was way too high. I was scaring my family by how sick I really was. So Monday I went back to the doctors office and saw my regular doctor and he asked why I didn't go to the hospital. I was soon to be 31 and my doctor looked me directly in the eyes and asked if I wanted to live until I was 40. The more he talked, the more he made sense and really hit home. So I started making small changes, not so many soft drinks, healthier choices in food and then of course my meds. LOL.

So in a year I've lost some weight (not enough) and I've honestly never known anyone that was really large and lost weight in a healthy way. Shawna (my cousin) started talking to me about a diet she had started and was eating low calorie and she was losing weight on it. So I take my time and played around with it.

For Christmas I got a Wii and then right after Christmas I bought Wii Fit and it is so much fun. I workout for 30+ minutes at a time and don't realize it. It keeps up with my weight and BMI and there are graphes and charts to look at. I enjoy it and I have goals to work towards.

So welcome to my weightloss journey where it's real. My ups and downs on this journey. The fun and easy stuff and the hard stuff too. I do need the support and help of my friends. I need good healthy low calorie recipes or ideas of things to eat that are tasty, no nasty cardboard stuff, I need flavor!!!

I have an ultimate goal weight and I am about 80lbs for it. It's not what Weight Watchers told me to get down too it's about 20 pounds heavier but my goal isn't to be skinny minny or to get too skinny it's to get to a healthy weight.

Low self esteem has been something I have always fought. I have supportive family and friends who always assure me that I'm pretty regardless or that it doesn't matter if you are fat or skinny just be you, but the reality is it does matter. No one says things to your face but I've had well meaning friends try to fix me up with nice Christian men and to over hear them or for it to get back to me that I was a nice girl, fun to hang out with but they don't like overweight girls. That hurts espeically when I never ask my friends to be a certain way or look, I take them just like they are and I've always longed for the people that would take me as I am. I am thankfull for the people that my paths have crossed with that do take me for who I am. That extremely shy person that doesn't know how to put myself out there. I am a very loyal person who will go beyond the norm to help those I love the most. I will give of myself and not ask for anything in return.

I know what it is like to give all of myself to others and be hurt in return. So the last year has been a real struggle over all. I've gone through really rough times emotionally, physically and health wise, and also with my family. My parents and their ups and downs with their health. Then some things from the past popped up and what a roller coaster ride but I finally realized that Taniss had gotten lost that girl that used to wear the "bubble bee outfit" my yellow jacket, purse AND shoes. The one who was known for my attire and the way it expressed me. That person was gone, in her place was a fat, depressed, hurting, slob that really didn't care about anything anymore. Life had passed me by and I had stood there and let it happen. I realized I was the only one that cared, if I wanted to be a active person in this place we call earth then I would have to do it alone. So here goes, it's funny since I've made this decision people have tried to drag me back and it won't happen anymore. I am a unique person with desires and dreams of my own and I won't stop until I have them.

So for you that join me on this journey to support or help out with ideas, thanks. This is a warning though, I don't express myself vocally but I write, and so my happy times, sad times, mad times and angry times, will all be here just like on my regular blog. Don't get mad or upset if you don't like what I have to say, it's a free country and we all have our opinions and this is what I have to do.