Sabotage!!! LOL

OH, Cake cake cake. I'm doing a wedding and groomscake and it's lots and lots of cake.

I was doing half my grocery shopping last night at 1am, LOL, and I was buying my snacks and I went over to get my Cheeto Balls and ahhh, shocker of all shockers, my FAVORITE travel snack in the whole world was on the shelve in 100 calorie packs. Excuse me as I wipe a tear. LOL. I am very emotional here. I LOVE, oh who cares, make that totally and completely adore White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn. Problem is I will eat the WHOLE bag in one setting. Now it doesn't matter, I can veg on my couch or bed and eat a WHOLE bag and only get 100 calories. Do you know how happy I am???

Ok, so my Mom is sabotaging me. We are on a DIET and she keeps bringing home bad food and things like cabbage and carrots and expect me to eat it. NASTY!!! Oh, and she did veggie burgers which weren't necassarily bad but they taste like unfishy salmon patties. I do not like fish or seafood EXCEPT popcorn shrimp. That is it!!! I take Fish Oil pills to get my Omega 3's. If it swims I don't eat it. I can not stand the flavors OR the texture, barf bag please!!! So since we had eaten all my groceries which are based around chicken dishes, any ideas anyone??? I enjoy the spicier dishes buy no curry, please.

Something I have learned in the 5 weeks we have been working out is working out is the most important thing you can do on your lifestyle change. I work out everyday for about an hour or more over the whole day. Yesterday I didn't weigh in and guess what? I'm up about 1/2 a pound so today will be a worse workout because I have to make up. Plus, when I'm working on cakes I get busy and don't when I should, I may eat once a day instead of my normal 3 times and 2-3 snacks.

I am actually enjoying all that I am learning about eating disorders, nutrition and the emotional part of all of this. I have always been told I'm fat because I'm lazy, or I eat bad or too much. Then you aren't going anywhere in life because your fat, true love? trash that because your fat and who is going to want a fat girl. I beg Mom's out there everywhere don't put that load on your daughter. It's hard to overcome that stigma. Because regardless of what you think you are saying to your child to "help", that isn't what they are going to hear and she may convince you someday it isn't helping but those words and her interpretation of those words will never leave her mind.

It's when my Mom quite trying to convince me to lose weight that I finally had the desire to do it for myself. She isn't always positive but I just have to close my ears and eyes and dig deep in myself and find that strength I need.

Remember if you take this journey and I highly recommend it, it is a very hard emotional journey and if you are really serious you may not have much support because they may not be as serious. It's hard but the rewards are great!!!