OH, Cake cake cake. I'm doing a wedding and groomscake and it's lots and lots of cake.
I was doing half my grocery shopping last night at 1am, LOL, and I was buying my snacks and I went over to get my Cheeto Balls and ahhh, shocker of all shockers, my FAVORITE travel snack in the whole world was on the shelve in 100 calorie packs. Excuse me as I wipe a tear. LOL. I am very emotional here. I LOVE, oh who cares, make that totally and completely adore White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn. Problem is I will eat the WHOLE bag in one setting. Now it doesn't matter, I can veg on my couch or bed and eat a WHOLE bag and only get 100 calories. Do you know how happy I am???
Ok, so my Mom is sabotaging me. We are on a DIET and she keeps bringing home bad food and things like cabbage and carrots and expect me to eat it. NASTY!!! Oh, and she did veggie burgers which weren't necassarily bad but they taste like unfishy salmon patties. I do not like fish or seafood EXCEPT popcorn shrimp. That is it!!! I take Fish Oil pills to get my Omega 3's. If it swims I don't eat it. I can not stand the flavors OR the texture, barf bag please!!! So since we had eaten all my groceries which are based around chicken dishes, any ideas anyone??? I enjoy the spicier dishes buy no curry, please.
Something I have learned in the 5 weeks we have been working out is working out is the most important thing you can do on your lifestyle change. I work out everyday for about an hour or more over the whole day. Yesterday I didn't weigh in and guess what? I'm up about 1/2 a pound so today will be a worse workout because I have to make up. Plus, when I'm working on cakes I get busy and don't when I should, I may eat once a day instead of my normal 3 times and 2-3 snacks.
I am actually enjoying all that I am learning about eating disorders, nutrition and the emotional part of all of this. I have always been told I'm fat because I'm lazy, or I eat bad or too much. Then you aren't going anywhere in life because your fat, true love? trash that because your fat and who is going to want a fat girl. I beg Mom's out there everywhere don't put that load on your daughter. It's hard to overcome that stigma. Because regardless of what you think you are saying to your child to "help", that isn't what they are going to hear and she may convince you someday it isn't helping but those words and her interpretation of those words will never leave her mind.
It's when my Mom quite trying to convince me to lose weight that I finally had the desire to do it for myself. She isn't always positive but I just have to close my ears and eyes and dig deep in myself and find that strength I need.
Remember if you take this journey and I highly recommend it, it is a very hard emotional journey and if you are really serious you may not have much support because they may not be as serious. It's hard but the rewards are great!!!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Start of Week 5
OK, so it's another week to work my fanny off. LOL. No really I am, Hahah.
I weigh twice a day, I like to see the ups and downs of weight flucuation. This morning I was 223.8. Now I haven't seen that weight in many years. I'm so happy. Tonight I could be higher but the last few days I LOST weight during the day so talk about happy. LOL.
I am pushing myself so hard in working out. I am beginning to see that is the key. Walking will drop a little weight slowly but surely and I still enjoy walking and jogging but it's my real workouts that are doing the work. I do 20reps of anything I can think of. I don't use weights or resistance tubes etc in the morning, I do front, side and back leg lifts. Toe touches, jumping jacks, twist (washing machine), I don't know what it is called but a torso angle twist. Shoulder rolls front and backwards and converted pushups. I do 20 of each one and it works. At night I pull out the weights and do my aerobic stepping.
I feel great and my clothes are fitting so good. I looked around recently at people I know that were losing weight and they have put it back on. I don't want to be that way. I am hoping the changes I am making I can keep for the rest of my life. So I can be the happiest and healthiest me.
I can't wait until I've lost my weight, then I can be anything I want to be. You can't be pushed aside for being fat anymore.
Do you know the biggest majority of people that are obese have some type of inner struggle. It's true. The reasons we overeat usually aren't accidental. Even though I was always a chubby child. When I was 14-15 my Dad was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis which is a disease that falls under the MDA umbrella. I became suicidal because I was afraid, that my dad would die. I turned to food. Then when I was in high school we opened a Burger place and it was hard work. The stress from running that, working part time at a dentist office and going go school drug me down until I had a emotional breakdown over a dropped tray. I lost it and the one comfort I had was food and plenty of it, HELLO, we owned a restuarant. It isn't excuses for my bad behavior with food it just shows that it's that easy.
One thing I've been learning from the Biggest Loser is that our emotions and feelings will cause us to be afraid. It's true. Sometimes it is scary, no one knows the skinnier Taniss. By losing weight and refusing to let my emotions direct my eating habits there is fear that all the feelings I have so carefully hidden inside will be exposed. I'm not one to work through my hurt I just store it away and try to ignore the pain. It works until the place where you have no emotions. It's a sad place to be, very lonely. However, things can happen in life that will rip open your carefully hidden emotions and expose them to life and that hurt is crazy.
I didn't understand why I have been on such an emotional rollercoaster. I fight depression and I know how real mental illnesses can be, our family has that history. But I never dreamed that amidst the world of health and fitness I would have to deal with guilt, resentment, anger, fear, sadness all the things I've stored away. I could cover it all up by being fat and no one cared. Now, I'm having to face things I don't know how to get through but I can believe with hard work and God by my side we can do this.
Don't let you fears hold you back from being the healthiest you, you can be!!!
I weigh twice a day, I like to see the ups and downs of weight flucuation. This morning I was 223.8. Now I haven't seen that weight in many years. I'm so happy. Tonight I could be higher but the last few days I LOST weight during the day so talk about happy. LOL.
I am pushing myself so hard in working out. I am beginning to see that is the key. Walking will drop a little weight slowly but surely and I still enjoy walking and jogging but it's my real workouts that are doing the work. I do 20reps of anything I can think of. I don't use weights or resistance tubes etc in the morning, I do front, side and back leg lifts. Toe touches, jumping jacks, twist (washing machine), I don't know what it is called but a torso angle twist. Shoulder rolls front and backwards and converted pushups. I do 20 of each one and it works. At night I pull out the weights and do my aerobic stepping.
I feel great and my clothes are fitting so good. I looked around recently at people I know that were losing weight and they have put it back on. I don't want to be that way. I am hoping the changes I am making I can keep for the rest of my life. So I can be the happiest and healthiest me.
I can't wait until I've lost my weight, then I can be anything I want to be. You can't be pushed aside for being fat anymore.
Do you know the biggest majority of people that are obese have some type of inner struggle. It's true. The reasons we overeat usually aren't accidental. Even though I was always a chubby child. When I was 14-15 my Dad was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis which is a disease that falls under the MDA umbrella. I became suicidal because I was afraid, that my dad would die. I turned to food. Then when I was in high school we opened a Burger place and it was hard work. The stress from running that, working part time at a dentist office and going go school drug me down until I had a emotional breakdown over a dropped tray. I lost it and the one comfort I had was food and plenty of it, HELLO, we owned a restuarant. It isn't excuses for my bad behavior with food it just shows that it's that easy.
One thing I've been learning from the Biggest Loser is that our emotions and feelings will cause us to be afraid. It's true. Sometimes it is scary, no one knows the skinnier Taniss. By losing weight and refusing to let my emotions direct my eating habits there is fear that all the feelings I have so carefully hidden inside will be exposed. I'm not one to work through my hurt I just store it away and try to ignore the pain. It works until the place where you have no emotions. It's a sad place to be, very lonely. However, things can happen in life that will rip open your carefully hidden emotions and expose them to life and that hurt is crazy.
I didn't understand why I have been on such an emotional rollercoaster. I fight depression and I know how real mental illnesses can be, our family has that history. But I never dreamed that amidst the world of health and fitness I would have to deal with guilt, resentment, anger, fear, sadness all the things I've stored away. I could cover it all up by being fat and no one cared. Now, I'm having to face things I don't know how to get through but I can believe with hard work and God by my side we can do this.
Don't let you fears hold you back from being the healthiest you, you can be!!!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Another week is gone
Well, another 2lbs of fat had to say goodbye and after this last week that is a miracle. I mean I had still been keeping my calories alot less than before but still I've eaten some "not good" food. But I tried really hard to stay near my calories, so though I lost weight still my body doesn't feel as good as it has in past weeks. My routine is all messed up but I'm going to get it back on track and tell my Mom to jump in the creek. LOL. She thinks food is the answer to everything and it's very hard to stand strong.
Last night we had spagetti and it was the way I like it. I am not a meat eater and the people staying with us are vegetarians. LOL. So no meat. But having to have a small protion and not a big ole whopper helping. It was hard, but I think I did OK.
I'm posting the picture which is the first week we all weighed in together. I had lost 18lbs on my own at that point and I have lost 8.2lbs in a month. So I'm very happy. Do you know when I eat I'm not always finishing my food? I get full before I finish so that is new to me. LOL. Well, I'm off to cook me a Bacon, Egg & Cheese English Muffin.
This is a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. If you want to lose weight you pretty much have to give up the fast food and eat at home and cook it. My family is all adults and we all have different scheules so it's buying your own food and cooking it. Reading labels, takign the things I enjoy and making them a little bit healthier.
I'm giving a shout out to by brother, he has lost 17lbs, my Dad has lost 30. Dad's is alot of water weight he was retaining. He isn't as strong with food as the rest of us but you can only eat what you have. LOL.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Weigh In Day
Well, I'm in like 5th place in our contest. LOL. I'm picking up workout tools here and there and I'm gaining quite an assortment. Today I bought a small resistance tube and thigh buster and I'm sticking with my 2 1/2lb loss average. I feel so much better about life and living. LOL.
I'm losing inches I lost 2 inches in my waist and an inch in my bust so all is good. LOL. I'm sore from head to toe. I am pretty sure every muscle in my body is sore. I just keep taking pain killers and pushing through the sore muscles. I'm strong enough to do this. I know I am.
I want to do this so I can love myself enough others will respect me for who I am. I've got alot of work ahead of me and I just have to make it day by day. I just make it one more day. I may not can last a whole week but I know I can last one more day at this. So if I last one more day for seven days. There is my week. LOL. It's all mind games.
Mom commented to me the other day that I had made up my mind and one thing I know positively is the mind is stronger than your body. There are days I just want to give up but I can't, this is for me and my health.
I'm losing inches I lost 2 inches in my waist and an inch in my bust so all is good. LOL. I'm sore from head to toe. I am pretty sure every muscle in my body is sore. I just keep taking pain killers and pushing through the sore muscles. I'm strong enough to do this. I know I am.
I want to do this so I can love myself enough others will respect me for who I am. I've got alot of work ahead of me and I just have to make it day by day. I just make it one more day. I may not can last a whole week but I know I can last one more day at this. So if I last one more day for seven days. There is my week. LOL. It's all mind games.
Mom commented to me the other day that I had made up my mind and one thing I know positively is the mind is stronger than your body. There are days I just want to give up but I can't, this is for me and my health.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A Goal Reached
So I met my first goal this weekend. I wanted to into a purple dress I havent' worn in about 3 years because I didn't fit in it. I wore it to church tonight!!! Talk about excited.
Today at lunch I fixed Rotel Chicken. I LOVE Mexican Food. I was missing my spicy food. So I took Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast and put them in a baking dish. Then I poured a can of Rotel over them. Put some wrap over it and baked it until it was cooked then I put a 1/4 serving of 2% Mexican Blend shredded cheese. It turned out soooooo wonderful. What cracked me up is used to I would cook 4 chicken breasts. LOL. Now I cook 2 and cut them in half. We all end up satisfied but not FULL. We did the Broccoli and Cheese sauce and it is soooo good and low cal. Then we did a salad and had black olives to go on it. Put ranch and a smidgen of bacon bits. All in all my meal was like right at 300 calories.
Tonight after church I came home and had a Hot Fudge Banana Sundae pudding and had some whipped topping on it. YUMMY!!!
I still have to work out tonight. So I better get to it before it is any later.
My next goal, Hmmm, I have some fitted shirts that I tried on this week and they "fit" but too tight to wear out in public. I don't like any of my "irregularities" to show. ROFLOL. So I'll say wear those shirts and look good OR reach 200lbs. Believe me the shirts will come first.
Today at lunch I fixed Rotel Chicken. I LOVE Mexican Food. I was missing my spicy food. So I took Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast and put them in a baking dish. Then I poured a can of Rotel over them. Put some wrap over it and baked it until it was cooked then I put a 1/4 serving of 2% Mexican Blend shredded cheese. It turned out soooooo wonderful. What cracked me up is used to I would cook 4 chicken breasts. LOL. Now I cook 2 and cut them in half. We all end up satisfied but not FULL. We did the Broccoli and Cheese sauce and it is soooo good and low cal. Then we did a salad and had black olives to go on it. Put ranch and a smidgen of bacon bits. All in all my meal was like right at 300 calories.
Tonight after church I came home and had a Hot Fudge Banana Sundae pudding and had some whipped topping on it. YUMMY!!!
I still have to work out tonight. So I better get to it before it is any later.
My next goal, Hmmm, I have some fitted shirts that I tried on this week and they "fit" but too tight to wear out in public. I don't like any of my "irregularities" to show. ROFLOL. So I'll say wear those shirts and look good OR reach 200lbs. Believe me the shirts will come first.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Oh, joy
Another day another salad. LOL. Ok, here are a few tips for those trying to lose weight and needing low cal ideas.
Buy Banana Fudge Sundae Pudding and some Fat Free Whipped topping in the can. Take the top of the pudding squirt a little whipped topping and wahla you have a WONDERFUL treat!!! It's awesome, just ask Tiffany and Milupa I brought dessert today. The kids loved the whipped topping!!!
Another thing is the Skinnies. Can't remember the whole name for real, we call all of it "the skinnies" but they have mint/Fudge sicles. and ice cream sandwiches. It is a great way to take care of that ice cream craving and save some calories too.
I bought 5lb weights today. I'm aching all over my body> LOL. It is so worth it though!!! I'm losing size AND weight. I'm slowly inching towards my goal and that is enough for me today. Just focusing on one more day and one more pound lost.
I have ups and downs. It's hard when I'm craving something. Tonight I wanted a coke Sooooooooooooooooooo bad. I was at Sonic buying a salad so instead of a coke I ordered a Apple juice slush. I think I was craving a flavored drink. I drank my Apple slush and no more coke craving. YEAH!!!
Buy Banana Fudge Sundae Pudding and some Fat Free Whipped topping in the can. Take the top of the pudding squirt a little whipped topping and wahla you have a WONDERFUL treat!!! It's awesome, just ask Tiffany and Milupa I brought dessert today. The kids loved the whipped topping!!!
Another thing is the Skinnies. Can't remember the whole name for real, we call all of it "the skinnies" but they have mint/Fudge sicles. and ice cream sandwiches. It is a great way to take care of that ice cream craving and save some calories too.
I bought 5lb weights today. I'm aching all over my body> LOL. It is so worth it though!!! I'm losing size AND weight. I'm slowly inching towards my goal and that is enough for me today. Just focusing on one more day and one more pound lost.
I have ups and downs. It's hard when I'm craving something. Tonight I wanted a coke Sooooooooooooooooooo bad. I was at Sonic buying a salad so instead of a coke I ordered a Apple juice slush. I think I was craving a flavored drink. I drank my Apple slush and no more coke craving. YEAH!!!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
So I'm still going!!
Sigh, in a week I lost 2.8lbs. I know, I know. it's a big loss on my own but I worked sooooo hard. But I'm not giving up. I'm the lowest weight I've been in probably 2 years so I'm doing it. It's just as much mental and emotional as it is physical. I feel alot better already and I have a long way to go. But I can now notice a difference and that is what counts. I'm drinking water like a camel and haven't been taking my laisiks (however you spell the name of the pills that pull water off your body) I'm suppose to be taking them everyday but I was having weird stuff going on (like passing out and puking my guts up for no reason, just one second was fine the next I was OUT) but it wasn't my pills so I'm supposed to be picking them up from the pharmacy hopefully and that will help alot. I retain so much water.
I walked 2 miles today in this horrible wind, LOL. Took twice the effort, haha, no jogging for me, it was plenty of extra workout to just walk into the wind. It's crazy windy out there. But it was a perfect day to walk. The sun wasn't too hot and I got a bit of a tan. LOL.
Today I did bad, my Nanny bought lunch and I had Chicken and Gravy from Whataburger it was WONDERFUL, but alot of calories so I have to be very careful the next couple of days. That is why I did an extra mile today, to make up for the lunch. YIKES, My normal workout and now I'll have to ride the bike extra tonight. It's worth it though, it was so good. It's been 3 weeks since I've had gravy, YYYYYYYUUUUUUUMMMMM
I've lost my 5lbs and it has been a week and a half so I beat my goal. YEAH!!!
I walked 2 miles today in this horrible wind, LOL. Took twice the effort, haha, no jogging for me, it was plenty of extra workout to just walk into the wind. It's crazy windy out there. But it was a perfect day to walk. The sun wasn't too hot and I got a bit of a tan. LOL.
Today I did bad, my Nanny bought lunch and I had Chicken and Gravy from Whataburger it was WONDERFUL, but alot of calories so I have to be very careful the next couple of days. That is why I did an extra mile today, to make up for the lunch. YIKES, My normal workout and now I'll have to ride the bike extra tonight. It's worth it though, it was so good. It's been 3 weeks since I've had gravy, YYYYYYYUUUUUUUMMMMM
I've lost my 5lbs and it has been a week and a half so I beat my goal. YEAH!!!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
March 1
Well, another day and I've lost 5lbs Tuesday. Do you realize that is my goal for 2 weeks. Today was my first real test. We only had a morning service at church and then had a fellowship potluck. I was trying to figure out what to take that wouldn't kill my diet and then I thought of the fact, I might not get any of what I cooked. I was flipping out about my diet and how would I ever know how many calories because you have no idea what is in that food. So I made the decision to buy something. So we bought salads at Sonic because I know the calories.
See yesterday I hadn't made a dent in my calories for the day and so I decided to buy a taco Salad but I couldn't find any where online where FasTaco has a nutrition guide. So then I was panicing last night because I didn't know if I had calories left or not. I added up the best I could but I was so worried.
The weird thing is I have the worst indigestion ever. I mean, I'm only drinking water and I am eating so well and I have the most severe indigestion. My throat is raw from the acid during the night. I have to live on antiacids.
Sugar Free Jello has 10 calories!!! A great snack. Today I tasted a Campbell's soup called Stuffed Baked Potato. It was wonderful and within the calorie range I could have at lunch.
I hit 229 yesterday. Do you know how long it's been since I've been in the 220's??? Over 8 years. I've always started a diet but never made it out of the 30's. I'm jogging, I've NEVER jogged. I am really into this and want to win. Tiffany and I are neck and neck. But Mom is in the lead. She will give into temptations, I hope. LOL.
See yesterday I hadn't made a dent in my calories for the day and so I decided to buy a taco Salad but I couldn't find any where online where FasTaco has a nutrition guide. So then I was panicing last night because I didn't know if I had calories left or not. I added up the best I could but I was so worried.
The weird thing is I have the worst indigestion ever. I mean, I'm only drinking water and I am eating so well and I have the most severe indigestion. My throat is raw from the acid during the night. I have to live on antiacids.
Sugar Free Jello has 10 calories!!! A great snack. Today I tasted a Campbell's soup called Stuffed Baked Potato. It was wonderful and within the calorie range I could have at lunch.
I hit 229 yesterday. Do you know how long it's been since I've been in the 220's??? Over 8 years. I've always started a diet but never made it out of the 30's. I'm jogging, I've NEVER jogged. I am really into this and want to win. Tiffany and I are neck and neck. But Mom is in the lead. She will give into temptations, I hope. LOL.
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