H2O and More

So anyone that knows me well knows I am NOT a lover of water. I had worked up to 4-5 bottles of water and was retaining most of it. So for a time I'm trying an experiment. I'm drinking CapriSun's. LOL. That is the start. Much easier to drink and only 35 calories to a pouch. Not too bad. Then I also try to drink plain water also. I have been drinking a Coke everyday. I buy whatever size my heart desires and drink it and then eat/drink all the ice and water. My thoughts are that all that ice makes less soda in the cup. Right? Well, honestly I don't care. LOL. It's working for me and it's something I can live with.

Ok, I live south of Mansfield but I have, for 3-4 years driven past this huge park near Walmart and there are these huge concrete paths that go under bridges, etc. I have been dying to go check it out and so Saturday night we did. It is awesome!!! I walked 3 miles, the paths have quarter mile markers in the path. I walked from the big park all the way UNDER 287, NOT the business/main street but the real highway one. LOL. Where the baseball fields are. It was great. Plus the park on Walnut Creek is in the hat for a wedding location should I EVER find a man. LOL. It is absolutely gorgeous!!!! Has very much potential.

LOL. Well that is all for my writings today.

So yeah, I messed up

OK, so I gained 4lbs in 5 days. Sigh, I'm sure it's the pizza and garlic bread. LOL. It was sooooo good though.

I worked out today for the first time in several days and WOW, I'm dead!!! LOL, I did pretty good over the weekend with my water, I did drink soda's when I was driving but that was because I get soooo sleepy when I drive so I drank Coke to give me some energy boosts. LOL. I did bad with my food most of the time. But thankfully it is nothing irreversible, it's just getting started again.

I'm totally convinced on the whole stress thing also. I am already down a little bit in just having been home 1 day and that was without working out. But the weekend was very stressful and tense. Alot of blood pressure raising moments. LOL.

We are going to start working out and I'm in charge. I love being in charge. Mom said it should be me because I'm studying and researching everything. YEAH!!!

If you want some good listening with tons of ideas search on google for Jillian Michaels radio show. She gives ton of good info!!!

My head is killing me. I forgot my BP meds and I worked out, so my BP is pretty high I'm sure. Stinks but that is how life is. Also, I am only taking my water pills once a week and the prescription is for everyday. I don't want my body to just be dependent on the pills to shed water. So I make my body do it some on it's own.

I just bought Jillian's book, Making The Cut. I've not had time to sit down and really read it yet. It's a 30 day diet book, so I'm going to try it. I want her metabolism book, haven't been able to find it yet. I think she is the bomb!!! She totally knows what's going on.

Vacation

So I am pretty sure I bombed while on vacation. My clothes are OK, still but I feel blah. But I have to just get up and get with it again!!!

Finally!!!

Yeah!!!

I hit 222 today. I have had 2-3 very bad weeks. Not in eating/workout wise totally but just bombarded with emotional stuff that messes with my mind.

I was stuck at the same weight for 3 weeks. I was so frustrated because I knew what was holding off more weight loss. I took a first step (I kind of wish I hadn't) but I did and just stepping out and acknowledging that I needed help. Chantry says it's the fact that I took the first step and God takes the second one. Maybe that is true. Because I have had a really good, fun couple of days and guess what??? I lost weight. There might be something in that.

Tonight will Tell the Tell

So last week I lost NOTHING, Zip, Nada!!! I stayed exactly the same. Sooooo, as of this morning I was down .4lbs. I really believe that stress and drama will stop your weightloss now.

I really don't eat at home anymore. I buy stuff and put it in the fridge and if others like it, it will GO AWAY!!! So I eat alot away from home. Except for I can keep my turkey bacon and cheese. You will have to fight for bread and fake butter but there you go. Water? You better hide it in your car.

I am really seriously considering getting my own place. It will make me live on a tight budget and that worries me but at the same time I think it would be good for me emotionally to do that. Time will tell, that is sure. I have actually asked for advice and hope it was the right thing to do. I'm scared to death but we'll see.

I'm joining Jillian Michaels website and cancelling my Biggest Loser membership. She sends out great tips and has an area where doctors, etc write articles. Plus I located her radio show online, it's great and funny too. Some of it is over the top healthy and I am not that far out yet, maybe someday.

I have really been in the blues and had a hard time getting in the groove of workign out. I did go to Cedar Hill and walked the park with my brother and aunt. I have gotten discouraged and with everyone kind of losing interest, I find it harder to do it alone. Stephanie has been doing much better. She is losing inches and is wearing clothes she hasn't worn in a long time so it has her working harder. I've got to pick it up but my life is all mixed up and I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it all and I start getting lethargic.

I ate a taco today from Bueno and a tostado adn a coke, BUT, my breakfast was almost no calories and I have choir practice so I'll be grabbing a snack for dinner so this bumped my calories up where they need to be.

I keep forgetting my vitamins at home and I can really tell. Plus, I had alot on my mind last night and didn't fall asleep. I most of the time don't even realize that I'm disturbed by stuff, but it hits home when I can't sleep. If I don't sleep I have alot on my mind. My brother is being very supportive and is encouraging me to take the next steps I need to take. But I'm scared and wanting to make sure I know God's will. C thinks that perhaps God's will is for me to take the steps I'm scared to take so that I can grow emotionally and become the independent person I need to be. It's hard though to stand up for yourself. I have to do something though, it's really showing in my dieting.

Jillian believes if you have emotional issue you don't deal with it will cause you to put the weight back on. She said people that are a tad overweight is just eating too many of something here and there. People that are over 50 pounds overweight there is deeper issues. I believe that. That is why some of us have such a hard time losing.

I have been really trying to put my focus back on God and let Him heal the wounded parts of me and fill those voids in my life that I have been filling with food.

Sabotage!!! LOL

OH, Cake cake cake. I'm doing a wedding and groomscake and it's lots and lots of cake.

I was doing half my grocery shopping last night at 1am, LOL, and I was buying my snacks and I went over to get my Cheeto Balls and ahhh, shocker of all shockers, my FAVORITE travel snack in the whole world was on the shelve in 100 calorie packs. Excuse me as I wipe a tear. LOL. I am very emotional here. I LOVE, oh who cares, make that totally and completely adore White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn. Problem is I will eat the WHOLE bag in one setting. Now it doesn't matter, I can veg on my couch or bed and eat a WHOLE bag and only get 100 calories. Do you know how happy I am???

Ok, so my Mom is sabotaging me. We are on a DIET and she keeps bringing home bad food and things like cabbage and carrots and expect me to eat it. NASTY!!! Oh, and she did veggie burgers which weren't necassarily bad but they taste like unfishy salmon patties. I do not like fish or seafood EXCEPT popcorn shrimp. That is it!!! I take Fish Oil pills to get my Omega 3's. If it swims I don't eat it. I can not stand the flavors OR the texture, barf bag please!!! So since we had eaten all my groceries which are based around chicken dishes, any ideas anyone??? I enjoy the spicier dishes buy no curry, please.

Something I have learned in the 5 weeks we have been working out is working out is the most important thing you can do on your lifestyle change. I work out everyday for about an hour or more over the whole day. Yesterday I didn't weigh in and guess what? I'm up about 1/2 a pound so today will be a worse workout because I have to make up. Plus, when I'm working on cakes I get busy and don't when I should, I may eat once a day instead of my normal 3 times and 2-3 snacks.

I am actually enjoying all that I am learning about eating disorders, nutrition and the emotional part of all of this. I have always been told I'm fat because I'm lazy, or I eat bad or too much. Then you aren't going anywhere in life because your fat, true love? trash that because your fat and who is going to want a fat girl. I beg Mom's out there everywhere don't put that load on your daughter. It's hard to overcome that stigma. Because regardless of what you think you are saying to your child to "help", that isn't what they are going to hear and she may convince you someday it isn't helping but those words and her interpretation of those words will never leave her mind.

It's when my Mom quite trying to convince me to lose weight that I finally had the desire to do it for myself. She isn't always positive but I just have to close my ears and eyes and dig deep in myself and find that strength I need.

Remember if you take this journey and I highly recommend it, it is a very hard emotional journey and if you are really serious you may not have much support because they may not be as serious. It's hard but the rewards are great!!!

Start of Week 5

OK, so it's another week to work my fanny off. LOL. No really I am, Hahah.

I weigh twice a day, I like to see the ups and downs of weight flucuation. This morning I was 223.8. Now I haven't seen that weight in many years. I'm so happy. Tonight I could be higher but the last few days I LOST weight during the day so talk about happy. LOL.

I am pushing myself so hard in working out. I am beginning to see that is the key. Walking will drop a little weight slowly but surely and I still enjoy walking and jogging but it's my real workouts that are doing the work. I do 20reps of anything I can think of. I don't use weights or resistance tubes etc in the morning, I do front, side and back leg lifts. Toe touches, jumping jacks, twist (washing machine), I don't know what it is called but a torso angle twist. Shoulder rolls front and backwards and converted pushups. I do 20 of each one and it works. At night I pull out the weights and do my aerobic stepping.

I feel great and my clothes are fitting so good. I looked around recently at people I know that were losing weight and they have put it back on. I don't want to be that way. I am hoping the changes I am making I can keep for the rest of my life. So I can be the happiest and healthiest me.

I can't wait until I've lost my weight, then I can be anything I want to be. You can't be pushed aside for being fat anymore.

Do you know the biggest majority of people that are obese have some type of inner struggle. It's true. The reasons we overeat usually aren't accidental. Even though I was always a chubby child. When I was 14-15 my Dad was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis which is a disease that falls under the MDA umbrella. I became suicidal because I was afraid, that my dad would die. I turned to food. Then when I was in high school we opened a Burger place and it was hard work. The stress from running that, working part time at a dentist office and going go school drug me down until I had a emotional breakdown over a dropped tray. I lost it and the one comfort I had was food and plenty of it, HELLO, we owned a restuarant. It isn't excuses for my bad behavior with food it just shows that it's that easy.

One thing I've been learning from the Biggest Loser is that our emotions and feelings will cause us to be afraid. It's true. Sometimes it is scary, no one knows the skinnier Taniss. By losing weight and refusing to let my emotions direct my eating habits there is fear that all the feelings I have so carefully hidden inside will be exposed. I'm not one to work through my hurt I just store it away and try to ignore the pain. It works until the place where you have no emotions. It's a sad place to be, very lonely. However, things can happen in life that will rip open your carefully hidden emotions and expose them to life and that hurt is crazy.

I didn't understand why I have been on such an emotional rollercoaster. I fight depression and I know how real mental illnesses can be, our family has that history. But I never dreamed that amidst the world of health and fitness I would have to deal with guilt, resentment, anger, fear, sadness all the things I've stored away. I could cover it all up by being fat and no one cared. Now, I'm having to face things I don't know how to get through but I can believe with hard work and God by my side we can do this.

Don't let you fears hold you back from being the healthiest you, you can be!!!