Mind Over Food

Everything could change in a moment, I've never had such an easy time losing weight. However, I've never felt enjoyment when a hunger pain hit. It's weird how I feel so happy when my body is so confused. LOL. It's screaming for food and soda and I have this little evil laugh in my head. Mom says it's probably that I've made up my mind. LOL.

I do alot more journaling. LOL. When I go through Bueno and order 1 potato burrito and water, my body starts flipping out but I have to think through it. LOL. I've starting getting alot of newletters on eating and weightloss and mental/emotional ties to food. I guess I'm learning to not use food to fix my problems. Haven't had hardly any cheese and been eating alot of veggies which I can't stand. When you are eating stuff you don't like, it's not so hard to cut back I guess.

Right now my stomache is screaming in pain, I'm nauseous and lunch isn't quite finished and I had 1 package of Brown Sugar Oatmeal for breakfast, it's long gone and I'm hungry but I will not eat until lunch is ready. But I feel good about punishing my body, where did all this come from??? I've never felt quite this way before. Strange.

One of my big struggles has been with food portions in what I'm eating. I'm not withholding anything, if I like it I can eat it but it's about portion control. It's my money so used to I would go through a fast food line and order anything I wanted, alot of the time I hated myself, just felt like I had to exist in the world until I died, didn't see any future for myself. So I didn't care, I was sad, depressed at times, lonely, hurting emotionally and mentally and wasn't finding a solution to my pain, so I would eat. Food never told me I was fat or ugly or anything of that sort. It always told me I was important, I had that one area of life where I could do as I pleased.

Eating in my car so no one could see, not going into restaurants because I didn't want them to judge what or how much I ate and hiding who I really am. I have to give the thanks to God because He is helping me every step of the way, couldn't do it without His help!!!

My prayer of late has been to be who and what He wants me to be, it that is fat and single, it will be hard, I won't understand but I trust Him. If it's to be a healthier happier me, I trust Him. He has control, that is a hard thing to give up!!! To be happy and content and satisfied with who I am and what I am becoming through Christ. It's so funny to look back at the unhappy me and compare to the me of today. Such a change and a good change.

Goodbye 10 Pounds!!!

This morning I stepped on the scale and WOW!!!, I had lost offically 10lbs. I've been so careful with my food and portion sizes. A very empowering moment for me was when I went through Taco Bueno for lunch, used to lunch was my moment to eat whatever I wanted. Well yesterday I went through and only got 1 potato burrito, it was soooooooooooo good and that was it, water to drink. After I ate it and felt full and felt so strong and powerful like I could take on the world. I had once again defeated food and soda. That was a wonderful moment for me. Then this morning to get on the scale and have lost 10lbs in a little over a week... Let's say I smiled big and Thanked God because I really really believe He is helping me along.

So I'll see what today holds but I believe I can do well even on a off day like Saturday!!! So doghouse building time!!!

OK, I Like Comments

My little traffic meter is telling me I'm getting traffic so leave me some comments, encouragement and don't leave me out here alone... I need ideas!!!

Thanks!!! :-)

Back On Track

OK, so I think I'm back on track!!!! I've lost more weight and I'm soooooo happy about that.

I've been eating light in the morning, something healthy at lunch and then eating light at dinner, then snack time is one of those mini bags of popcorn. I have a sports bottle of water that goes with me EVERYWHERE I go so I'm not tempted to stop and grap a Coke. That has been a big help.

Last night Brenda cooked Breakfast chops with Terioki (have no clue how to spell) sauce and half a slice of pineapple, brown rice and bake veggie mixture on the side. It was all soooooo wonderful!!! Tonight Teresa cooks, we'll see what she can cook up.

I've started this morning off good again, at first I was really dragging but I feel good now! I've had some water, my meds and vitamins, etc and half a sub sandwich. I keep having severe nausea in the mornings and I get really really carsick on the way to work and I'M THE ONE DRIVING... That is crazy, so I tried eating a more substantial breakfast and see if that helps, so far it hasn't but we'll see about the drive to work. I hate feeling like I'm about to throwup or trying to throw up.

Time will tell, I've been using Laurie's Lotion facial products and I went and got some coverup for my exema spots. I'm feeling really good about my self on a personal level, socially? not so much but I believe it will come. I'm holding on the the promise God gave me Monday night!!! Assurance my prayers are being answered and I've been praying a long string of prayers that all are woven together, I want a healthier me, thinner me, I want a family and a home of my own. That isn't too big for God!!!

So I'll keep trudging along with God's help and now I need to hit the road and head to work!!!

Weight Loss Contest!!!!

OK, so my aunts, Mom and I are in a weight loss competition. We weighed in today and we will be pitching in $20 a month in the pot and the biggest loser at the end of the month wins the money!!! That is $100!!!

So I'll be keeping my food diary again and counting calories. I'm going to be trying to be less stressed and not so overloaded this year. I'm planning a weekend getaway in a few weeks and then in Feb/March my sister in law and I are planning a girls getaway in Chicago. That will be alot of fun!!!

So I'll be planning and moaning and groaning about losing weight. Pray that I can keep on track and not give up!!!

Ring In 2011

So starts another year of being fat, still!!! Honesty is sometimes the best medicine. It's what I do this year to change all of that. Sigh, no big resolutions or promises, they just get broken. Just a prayer that with God's strength I can make the right choices each day, take my life day by day...

I'm back at my top weight and so frustrated, everyone has an answer or way to fix it. Exercise more, walk, eat less, eat healthier, count calories, Slim Fast diet, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and on and on. But see I've been watching Jillian Michaels TV show episodes online and Biggest Loser episodes. I've noticed there is always a place in each persons journey where they have a moment, a melt down, whatever you choose to use. So I've began to think it through. What is it that keeps me from really being able to be healthy, why do I turn to food to cover my emotions because the result is guilt and low self esteem, etc. I hate being big, it's embarrassing, the comments... "You are such a pretty girl, if you would just lose some weight you would be beautiful" Sigh, Well meaning words that cut deep.

I began today reading about emotional eating, very interesting stuff. Food journal, ick! I hate writing it all down because the paper is honest about it, no hiding it if you write it all down. Sigh, well to this year!!! Where's my water bottle?

So I'm Back Again and I'm Trying

So I'm trying again. LOL. I hate the whole yoyo dieting but I keep failing on the diet front. I watched Losing It with Jillian Michaels and cried through the whole thing. I'm doing good so far and I hope I have the determination this time. I'm so tired of being on the platform and looking up and seeing myself on the screens and seeing the huge person I've become. I'm happy though and loving my life. My new church was the best decision I've made in a very long time. Being in God's Will and knowing it is awesome. Feels good to be involved and for the first time in close to 10 years I feel like I may have a future and I can do or be whatever I want, with God's help of course. So pray that I can do this. I need to lose over 100lbs and this time I've got people around me to help push me to be the best me!!!