Here are a few things that jumped out at me in the 1st chapter, Filling The Void
People with food addiction.
- They hide out of shame, believing that if they were to shine the light on their own truths, they wouldn't be able to bear it. They think the pain would kill them, so they eat the pain away instead. They are unable to see that they were born absolutely perfect, and deserving of all the love and care the world has to offer.
Some of the things people have said to me concerning my weight that have cut so deep. "You would have such a pretty face if you would just lose the weight." So my face isn't pretty because it's not skinny. "It's just food" Wrong!!! To me it's a way to dull the pain inside of me. People don't realize those well intentioned comments just make a bad problem worse. I already medicated & drug myself with my food, the reaction to those comments are.... more food. The vicious cycle.
- But it wasn't "just food". It's never just food. Food filled me from the deepest part of my soul, allowing me the peace and serenity I assumed other lived in effortlessly.
- Food addicts are often also codependents, having perfected the act of pretending that there is nothing wrong. They're all smiles working out of their most passive characteristics, always asking, "Can I help you, please? What can I do for you?"
Here are a few questions I must ask myself
- Do you consider yourself valuable? Do you value yourself less than or more than other people? Describe you self-esteem and how you exhibit self-love. I do not see myself as valuable I've learned in my life I'm disposable. People will make promises to you and never fulfill them. They will leave you high and dry and never look back. I have almost NO self-esteem and to show myself I love ME, I eat, I give myself treats to make up for my pain.
- Are you vulnerable - either too much or not enough? Do you have issues protecting yourself, and do you become resentful at others' behaviors? Yes! & Double Yes!! LOL. When people begin to verbally hurt me or "attack" me I don't have the power inside to stand up against it.
- Have you been known for being "bad" or rebellious, or have you been committed to becoming perfect, the good girl or boy in your family or life? How are these behaviors related to and reflected in your spirituality? Does your faith correspond or conflict with them? I have never been a rebellious person, even in my teens. I've always been the one that didn't push the limits and the rules. I was always the "Goody Two Shoes". Even in relation to God whatever leaders told me the rules are for God and church, I tried to obey them. I don't want to let other down with my stupidity.
- Are you too dependent on other people or are you too independent? Do you fear you are dependent on other things - substances like food, alcohol, drugs or nicotine? Do you use shopping/spending or relationships to shape your identity? I am probably trying to be too overly independent on some areas and extremely dependent in others. I do you things to shape my identity. I am pretty sure I'm dependent on food & caffiene. LOL.
- Do you consider yourself mature or have you struggled with the idea that you are immature? Do you self-punish over loss of control, believing that by managing your life you prove your maturity Do you have issues with moderation or intimacy - unsure of how to create whole and healthy boundaries in your life? I do struggle with feeling like I never really grew up, like everyone still controls me and tells me what to do. I feel like others can tell and judge me being immature. I feel like I have no control in my life except in the food area and I emotionally and mentally punish myself over it. I feel like if I gained control in EVERY area maybe then I would be mature and "grown up". Moderation is hard for me, very few areas to I have that conquered. I'm also reading Bounderies so I'm learning to set boundaries for myself hopefully.
